Sissy brittney 2006

Weekly Assignment Replies:

12-20-06: Hello Mistress
 After our session yesterday, I had one of my weirdest post-rush experiences. For one thing, though I was alert and able to drive home fine, I was singing out loud all the way home. I don't normally sing publicly or privately (unless I'm forced into karaoke by friends and family), but I was so jazzed up that it just came out. When I got home, instead of going straight to bed as I have been the last few weeks, I was really wired; I was so giddy and charged the rest of the night that my dad actually asked me if I'd gone out drinking. I think last night's session went further, not only in the exploration of new positions and experiences, but also in simple physical endurance, than we've done previously. I can't really put my finger on why, but for some reason the swing pushed things into overdrive. Usually we can go an hour to an hour and a half before my body just gives out, but once I was in the swing, I was completely wrecked in half the time, and then of course you just kept going. Not that I'm complaining at all, I'm just surprised I didn't collapse or faint by the end. I think part of it was the apparent weightlessness of the position. Before, when I was on the floor or the bed, I was a more active participant, moving up and down or back and forth on your cock, and because I had to think about it and adjust to it, a part of me was always grounded. In the swing, I was completely at your mercy, you could have spun me around all night or flipped me upside down and I couldn't do a thing, but I was also more free to just let it happen, to be moved and directed and just succumb to the sensations that were assaulting me from all sides. I just now remembered that you took pictures, and I can't wait to see how they came out. I have to say that I felt especially sexy in the swing as well; I think the combination of sucking your cock upside down and being locked in a spread eagled position made the experience incredibly excited (I also just read the post about Video suggestions - maybe this could be one of them!).
 After three weeks of consecutively intense sessions, I hope I can handle being away for a week over Christmas. It seems I've just gotten back in to meeting every week and then the holidays came up. You mentioned trying the larger, realistic strap on for our next session and I'm eager to see if I'm ready for it yet. I'll try to mentally prepare myself over the holidays, but either way it's going to be an interesting session when I come back. I think if we take it slow and obviously start with the smaller one, it shouldn't be a problem, especially with how well my medical problem has been acting lately (though I've probably just jinxed it by saying so). Anyway, in the meantime, I hope you have a merry Christmas and I hope to have a good one as well, and I can't wait for the season to be over so we can start regular sessions again!
 Thank you again for everything, too numerous to recount in a sentence.

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked

- Sissy Brittney.
12-13-06: Hello Mistress
Before I start, I thought I'd tell you that I actually feel kind of bad about something that happened last night because of our session. It was rainy out as I was driving home, and just before I turned off of fourth, there was a couple walking by on the sidewalk. I was so zoned out at the time that I wasn't thinking, and I hit a puddle on the side of the road and soaked them. I didn't stop to apologize or anything, but when I got home I thought I should have. It didn't bother me too much though apparently, because I went to bed pretty much right after I got in the door, and slept like a baby. I don't usually talk about this part because it's really more of a secondary concern, but coming to see you has done alot to relieve the day to day stress in my life; even when I leave a little pent up (especially after being teased and denied), overall, I still feel so much more at ease with myself, and it's a feeling that usually lasts all during the week until the next session!
I also love that we've been able to explore a new side to my training the last few weeks, now that we've started using the wrap, and of course now that the strap-on is included. As much as the initial bumpiness hurt a bit, I think I enjoyed yesterday's position a little better than the floor or the bench. Not only did it allow for a deeper (physically and emotionally) and more intimate experience, it was also much easier on my body, especially my back and legs, which both tend to get sore when I'm pushed to the ground. When I actually started getting it right (back and forth instead of up and down) I could really feel the thrusting and the motion of it inside me better than I have before. It's felt great every time, but I think this time in particular was a little better.
The more I think about it, the more excited I am about experiencing the sling next week. Since we started using the strap-on, I've had three sort-of fantasy positions in mind. First is the stress position, the easy access position; I think I included a fantasy of mine in an earlier entry back before I thought we'd ever be able to use a strapon, and since then I've included being fucked to that image. The second is fairly simple, on all fours on the bed, but with the inclusion of the chain leash around my neck. Ever since you pulled my hair the first time you used the strapon, I've been picturing you behind me, roughly guiding me along by my neck as you fucked me. Finally, the sling; from the moment you mentioned it as a possibility two weeks ago, I've been trying to see myself hanging from the ceiling, completely at your mercy. You've always tried to instill in me that I'm completely in your control and there's no escape, and I think the sling will hammer that point home (excuse the pun) better than anything else. Anyway, I'm sure it will be an experience I won't soon forget, and I can't wait.
As always, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me in the past year, and I'm looking forward to another great one.

I am a cunt, I am to suck, and be fucked.

-Sissy Brittney. 
12-07-06: Hello Mistress
First off, I thought I would start this by saying that I woke up this morning a little sore, but as always, it made me feel good to remember what my body went through to get that way. Before I get into that though, I do have to talk about the first part of our session, the dressing and shaping stage, before I get to the more lurid details. I don't know if you noticed, but when I stepped in front of the mirror for the first time after everything was done, in my white blouse, I literally almost burst into tears seeing myself so perfect. The last three or so weeks have been an incredible exploration in teaching my body to fit with my mental image of what it should be, and yesterday was a big step forward. I never believed that I could look that good before, that much like the person I feel inside all the time, and now that I know it's possible it's opened up a whole new way of thinking about myself; I'm not just a man trying in vain to look feminine (complete with fake breasts), but someone who is feminine with her own real chest, real hips, real hour glass figure, and even a real butt, with only a little help from plastic.
Of course, once the look was achieved, it only made it that much more gratifying to be taken like a woman, strapped to the bench or pushed to the floor and fucked like the slut I've become. This was the second time you've fucked me with your strapon, and if anything, it's gotten even more exciting and fulfilling (both physically and mentally!). Where I was a little fearful the first time that something might go wrong and I could be hurt, this time I knew how good it felt and how much I needed it inside me. From the moment I felt it graze against my thigh as I was strapped down, I knew what was coming, and I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming "Please fuck me Mistress, Please let me have your cock inside me!" To add tease and denial to the mix was was almost maddening, and I really think I came the closest to losing it (without actually losing it) than ever before. As I mentioned, by the end I was almost ready to give up and take the punishment, because by then, every part of my body was in overdrive.
I can't thank you enough for pushing my training as far as you have. I've not only learned more about myself, but also experienced more pleasure and (the good kind of) pain than I thought possible. Just being able to submit to you, from crawling on my knees and kissing your feet, to washing your windows, to bending over and accepting your cock, is an honor that I'm grateful for.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
- Sissy Brittney
11-29-06: Hello Mistress
I already know that this is going to be hard humility wall entry to write, because so much is going through my head right now that I can barely see straight. I don't think I am able to fully articulate just how amazing and explosive and physically, mentally, and emotionally satisfying last night's session was for me. We spend so many sessions dealing with little pieces of the puzzle, walking, dressing, shaping, oral training, bondage, etc, but last night, everything came together in a way that I never imagined could happen.
From the beginning, I think that the plastic wrap has really helped me fully realize how I feel inside and reconcile that with how I look outside. That sounds like a strange sentence out of context, but the way the layers pulled everything in, and especially after I put on the top to cover up the material, I felt more like the woman, not just the sissy or the slut, but the feminine being that I want to be, more so than last week, and more so than ever before. As I said at the time, while I was there yesterday, I didn't have to idealize my own image in my head, When I felt up and down my body, I was feeling my curves, and when I caressed by breasts, they were really my breasts. I was more comfortable and at peace in my own form than I'd ever been.
Obviously, as impactful as the first part of our session was, I can't not mention the second half, when you allowed me the privilege to not only suck your cock, but to finally be fucked like the slut I am, to completely fulfill my mantra for the first time in more than a year. Because of my medical condition, I had almost lost all hope that I would ever be able to experience the physical feeling of your cock inside me ever again, to the point where I have been completely editing it out of my fantasies, because it seemed too implausible. For you to, by complete surprise, push me to the floor and force your entire length into me, there are absolutely no words to describe how I felt. As you noticed, I was almost in tears by the end, both from the waves of pleasure that shot all throughout my body, and from the honor I felt that I was finally able to be your good little bitch, finally able to take your cock like I should be. The only words that I was able to form were "Thank You God", because I was so happy to finally be able to perform my function.
I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me, not just yesterday but since I met you. You've taught me to be who I always was, a submissive, a sissy, a slut, and you've shown me how to realize it in a way that I could never have done on my own. You have no idea how great it feels for me to say this and mean it, from full first hand experience: I am a cunt, I am to suck, and be FUCKED!
-Sissy Brittney.

11-25-06: Hello Mistress
I got up extremely early today and thought I would get this out before today got really crazy. The reason I'm doing this on Sunday is because Thursday was obviously Thanksgiving, Friday our internet was shut down to move it to the new house, and yesterday we spent all day moving everything else to the new house. On the plus side, I am officially moved (except for a few things we need to bring over today), so things should calm down soon, and we should be able to get back to a normal session schedule soon if you still want to. Anyway...
I thought I would have a problem writing this entry because it had to be so far from the actual day of the session, but after thinking about what I was going to write, I realized just how much of an impact it made on me, that it's stuck in my mind all week. Normally by now my body has forgotten the feeling, meaning that remembering our session doesn't illicit any physical sense memory after a day or so, but this time, when I think back on it, I still shiver a little bit. I think alot of it is because of the very real transformation I feel I went through; I know it was just duct tape, but seeing myself in the mirror (and seeing the pictures on your website, which were wonderful), I really felt more like a full-figured woman than I ever had before. I'm sorry that it took so much time and effort on your part, I got the feeling that by the end you were getting a bit sick of wrapping me up again and again, but the results were amazing. For any other person this might sound tawdry, but I just loved being able to feel myself with breasts, to have definition for the first time. It's getting easier for to me feel sexy in my own skin, and this past week was a big step forward in that, among other things.
Also, I noticed that the immediate feeling afterwards, what we usually call the rush, was a bit different this time. Obviously there was still some of the normal reaction; every time you would come behind me to grope me, every part of me would go crazy, and of course there was the moment when I just collapsed onto the bed, my body practically begging to be fucked, but for most of it, for the first time in a while, I could actually think cogently throughout. At first when I left, I thought I felt almost unfulfilled, but when I got home and started to think about things, I realized that it wasn't any worse or less than other sessions, it just targeted a different part of me. This session was really important to me, maybe more so than alot of them, because it made me feel more like a woman, beyond sissy or slut or submissive, just more basically feminine, than I've ever felt in your presence before. Not only did I have the shape of a woman, I could also walk like a woman without forcing myself to be awkward (and without the cursed bells!); it was so natural and really made me feel whole as a female.
Of course there was still the slut and the submissive to be satisfied, and I have to admit that the next morning, before the craziness of family arrived for Thanksgiving, I did indulge myself a little. I was almost working from pure instinct, waking up from a pretty intense dream about our session and going straight for my secret stash. I didn't dress up completely, just my red bra and panties, but I did use the vibrator (complete with new batteries finally), and I also brought out my thick 7 inch realistic dildo. I stuck it to the wall as best I could and tried to imagine that I was on my knees in front of you, worshipping your cock. I even pretend to kiss your (non-existent) foot at the end as a thank you for allowing me to please you!
Well, I suppose that is everything I have for this week, though I do want to say thank you again for taking me to this level physically and emotionally. I don't think I was grateful enough as I was leaving on Wednesday, because I was still a little shocked by the whole experience, but I wanted you to know that it really meant a lot to me and I really appreciated it. So, I guess I'll see you some time soon (I don't know if you'll want to go back to weekly sessions as soon as this Tuesday or not, so this is as close as I can get). Either way, I can't wait.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney
11-15-06: Hello Mistress
This might have to be just an update as opposed to a full fledged online Humility Wall Entry, because this week I've been so swamped with school and work that very little else has been able to occupy my mind, and certainly nothing all that risqué or titillating in the fantasy department. Also, I'm sort of writing this in fits and starts right now, as there are other people in the house popping in and I keep having to minimize my screen. For my assignment, I did buy my lipstick as ordered. I went to Krogers, which I hope was okay, but I did hit a little snag. I tried to get the reddest lipstick I could find, and I thought I had found that in Royal Red, but by the time I decided, I reached for the wrong one and didn't notice until I got home. Anyway, I came back with Wine and Roses, which is a little more pinkish than I was after, but it's still good. Also, it smells like watermelons, which for me is a plus.
Other than that, I do have to say that after seeing your other sissy's pictures in the what's new section, I'm incredibly jealous of the school girl outfit. The moment I saw it I was just trying to imagine myself in it (well, the skirt anyway, which was all I could really see!). I suppose the connotation for that kind of outfit would probably be something more in kind with corporal punishment, maybe over the knee spanking or even caning, but still, I just thought it was really cute. I hope I'm not being selfish for instantly thinking how it would look on me! Anyway, like I said, my head has been forced to other places by life this last week, so sadly I have little to report when it comes to fantasies. I'm actually not really feeling terribly feminine today either. Both my bras and all but the panties I have on now are dirty (I'll be washing them today when I get some time alone) and the batteries in my vibrator ran out this week so I haven't had my morning wake-up call. Hopefully seeing you this Tuesday will help me pick up my spirits a little.
So, that's all for now, can't wait to see you again.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
- Sissy Brittney
11-07-06: Hello Mistress
To begin on a political note, I just have to say that, given how interested I am in Politics, last night was probably the worst night we could have picked to tire me out. I went to bed last night pretty much right when I got home and slept like a baby because of our session, and when I woke up this morning, everything had gone insane (luckily it was crazy in a good way). Anyway, moving on. Our session yesterday was amazing as usual, and it served as a reminder for me of where I've been both as a sissy and a slave, and how far I've come. Sadly, I still haven't been progressing as fast as I should be on the walking front (as you know, I still needed the bells!), but as always, once we were able to clear my mind (or rather turn my mind to mush), I was finally able to do it right. If I can only find a way to get to that point psychologically without as much work, it would give me a better feeling about my eventual actions outdoors, as well as my training in general.
As for the actual turning of my mind to mush, all I can say is, you somehow know exactly what to do to make me putty in your hands. I don't know if you noticed, because it was really a matter of moments, but I think that was probably the fastest I've ever slipped into the zone. I don't know if it was something special that happened yesterday or that I've just been conditioned by now to fall into it quicker, but I can tell you that it was literally with the first touch of your finger tips and I was gone. I'd like to think that my body has now been trained to the point that it wants to submit to you so much, that it's almost instant, but I don't know that for sure (I suppose we'll see next time if it changes or not).
Obviously my most vivid memory of last night's session was finally being able to suck your cock again after what seems like an eternity. It's becoming clearer and clearer that, above all else, I am a cocksucker. I love it, I need it, I dream about it, and it's the thing that occupies my mind most often when I'm strictly in fantasy mode. Of course, it's not just the action itself, but that the fact that it's your cock, that I'm on my knees pleasing you (at least symbolically if not physically). I think another reason why I enjoy it so much is partly because of my inability to progress anally because of my medical condition. I've only experienced full penetration with your strapon (disconnected) once before, and it was to this day one of the most intense moments of my entire life. My one big regret, which is beyond either of our controls, is that I am unable to handle it regularly anymore, not just because I can't experience the sensation, but because I'm unable to submit to you in that way. Because of the potential pain, we're forced to end with vibration and simulation essentially, and because of this, at least sucking your cock allows me to know the feeling of being ruled and humbled by your cock, Also, again I must thank you for rewarding me yesterday by allowing me to kiss your feet. When I am in that position, giving myself entirely over to you, all I want to do is show you how grateful I am for it, and that's the best way I know how. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that it makes you a little uncomfortable, and if so I'm sorry for that, but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it.
Well, I think that's everything for now, so I guess that I will see you in two weeks, and hopefully we'll get back to a regular weekly session before too long.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
-Sissy Brittany
11-01-06: Hello Mistress
To start this out on a bit of a sad note, I went to the Thrift Store after class today to pick up the white skirt I told you about, and it was gone. I looked through the rest of their ladies better skirts, but I didn't find anything that really looked good. If I get a chance this weekend I might go down to fashion bug and see if they have anything nice.
As for an update, I do actually have one interesting thing to report. I don't usually remember my dreams, and the only time I do is if they are particularly impact or exciting. Anyway, I think the effect of our last session might have extended into my subconscious, because at least three times this week I've woke up with the memory of some of the wildest dreams, all with me strapped down on the bed, unable to move or really see, with you above me, practically everywhere around me. The dreams themselves aren't anything strange or different; they're almost recreations of our last session, except your hands move even faster than I can register them, and I feel that much more helpless as a result. When I wake up, I feel almost as good as I do after a session, not in a rush, but rather the calm after the rush has faded away.
On the fantasy front, I don't really have anything complete to give you, apart from the dreams I just mentioned. This week my fantasies have been very small and selective. Unlike the easy access fantasy I told you about a few weeks ago, I haven't had any fantasy that encompasses a whole scene, but rather I've been picturing myself in various aspects of sissification and servitude. Of late I've been focusing on some of the things I haven't experienced in a while. Cocksucking obviously, which we haven't done for a few weeks now, has been a big one, but also foot worship, which we only actually tried the one time I think. One new one I've been playing with is being your footstool. I keep having this static image in my mind of me on all fours on the floor in front of you, you with your legs up on my back, relaxing, talking on the phone, doing your daily business, with no regard for my even being there. I don't know why my brain came to this one, but it's something I haven't really ever considered before, and yet find exciting nonetheless. Also, for an almost confession, I did almost break a rule the other day. I was in position on my bed, fantasizing that you were behind me, strapon in place, and I was so into it that I was moving along with your imaginary hip movements. Anyway, I had to stop and switch to another fantasy, because otherwise I would have probably had to break your rule against using the plug or the vibrator anally
Okay, I think that's everything for, except to say that these weeks apart are really hard, and I'm REALLY looking forward to our next session.

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked

- Sissy Brittney
10-27-06: Hello Mistress
To start off this entry, I should say that while I made it home alright last night (at a decidedly slower speed) my wrists are still quite a bit sore from the restraints you put me in yesterday. Every time I feel them, as it always happens, a shiver runs up and down my spine as my body instinctively remembers what it went through. I just now realized that, as I'm thinking about this, my skin is becoming more sensitive and my nipples are getting harder (not to the degree that happened yesterday during our session, but still noticeably). Honestly, we went farther yesterday, at least in terms of manipulating my senses, then ever before, and near the end, I had almost completely lost all sense of myself. When you brought me down from the bed onto my knees in front of you, I felt almost like your loyal puppy; my subservience wasn't something I was thinking about, it was just a reflex. At that point, it wasn't just that I knew my place under you, that was all I knew. Contemplating overnight and this morning how far I went mentally has left me with a really profound reaffirmation of my dedication, knowing that my being a submissive is more than just an intellectual thing, but that my first instinct is to submit to your control, that every part of me wants to be there, not just my head. On a more lurid note, I thought I would end this by mentioning that the horniness you predicted came upon me pretty much instantly after I got home, but luckily my vibrator was readily accessible.
For the next week, as I won't be seeing you, I thought I would take a little time to myself. I just called into work and I'm not working this week, so I'm free to lounge about the house. I don't have too big of a school load and my dad is working most days now, so it will be a calm atmosphere, and hopefully one where I'll be able to dress up at least a few times before I do see you again. I was thinking I might wear my white blouse around, but I will most likely wait for that until Wednesday at least, so that I can go out and buy the white skirt I told you about and have a whole matching outfit. I'll also continue with all my assignments (tampons, polish, etc) and continue practicing my cock sucking (I know that's not an official direct order, but it's rapidly becoming a normal part of how I start and end the day). Anyways, it was another wonderful session, and as always, I learned a little bit more about myself, and I have to thank you again for the experience.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked (no truer words were ever spoken!)
-Sissy Brittney.

10-18-06: Hello Mistress
Since this is the second time we've tried the every other week thing, I've gotten a better handle on how it's been affecting me and developed a new appreciation for just how much our weekly sessions mean to me, not just mentally, but also in simple physical terms. Psychologically of course, sessions relax me and center me for the week, and being away longer leaves me a bit bewildered and anxious, but I've also noticed that my body had adapted to getting that release every Tuesday. Now that there's a week in between, there's all this energy that gets built up, and it has no place to go. I can't release it on my own, and no, I don't mean release in the sense of a mess, which I can obviously do, but rather the complete, full body assault on my nervous system that only you can bring out in me. To that end I did have practically a marathon session with my vibrator last night; no insertion as I'm still not allowed, but I used the head to it's greatest advantage and then practiced sucking it for about twenty minutes. My dad was working and I was alone, so I got into the girdle and got into position on the bed, and since no one was in the house, I was able to let my moans just go. It still wasn't as satisfying as a session obviously, and I know it never could be, but it helps to use it as an inferior substitute when I don't see you.
On that front, I actually have some good news, in that we very well might be out of the house by November, meaning I'll have a week of moving stuff and then we'll be in a house with a cheap monthly payment I can afford and we'll be able to go back to the weekly sessions if you'll allow it. If all goes well with the mortgage people I will have more news to report on Tuesday about the specifics of it. As for my assignment, unfortunately I have not had a chance to get to the store yet, but I intend to go out tomorrow on my way home from school and pick up my blouse. To make sure, I'm going for white, cotton, and most importantly fitting and flattering. I will see what I can find and definitely have something meeting those specifications by Tuesday. Can't wait to see you then, and hopefully things will be back to normal house wise sooner than I'd hoped.
 I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney.

10-11-06: Hello Mistress
I don't know if it was because I had been off the week before and wasn't used to it, or what, but yesterday's session was the biggest rush I have ever had. As you predicted, I did have trouble getting home, and it took me about 45 minutes because I had to drive ten miles under just so I wouldn't hit anything. As always, but especially yesterday, you turned my body into mush, to the point where, for at least a half hour to an hour, I could not think straight. Also, I think that part of it was the fact that I could see you this time for a lot of it. Normally you have me close my eyes of course, and I know that contributes to the sensory play, but this time you had me open them and I could see everything you were doing to me. As much as the closed eyes helps me physically by shutting off my senses, psychologically, seeing my legs up in the air, held up by one of your hands, and seeing the look on your face as you put me entirely under your control just drives me crazy. The fact that tickle torture dominated most of the session added to this as well, because as I mentioned, there is no greater loss of control for me that losing total power over my body; it renders me completely at your whim. I only remember two instances of me actually begging for mercy: yesterday was one, and the other was when you used the electric paddle, which brought me to tears.
It worries me that, for some reason, I can only walk right when I'm practically spaced out. I thought I was doing it right when I was practicing in front of the mirror, but after yesterday I think I might have been deluding myself. The bells obviously help, but I really need to work on this if I'm ever going to be going outside for extended periods with you. Other than that, I do have to say that I'm getting more and more excited about our next session every time I think about it (I'm even getting shortness of breath as I type this). The image of me tied to your bench, totally immobile and at your mercy, has since become a permanent fixture of my fantasy. I've said this before, but I never realized until recently just how fulfilled I feel in bondage. It was never a big part of my attraction to the lifestyle in the beginning, but now that we've begun to do just the basics, I find it exhilarating and psychologically satisfying. I can't wait, and the week off is only going to make the anticipation that much more sweeter when I do see you. So anyway, thank you for another great session, and as always, I hope to see you in two weeks.

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.

-Sissy Brittney.
10-04-06: Hello Mistress
I guess that since we didn't have a session yesterday, it's a little harder to formulate what I'm gonna say for this one, but for an update, I do have some good news to report. As I mentioned last week, I'm here at the house watching the dog, and I've been all alone all week, left to my own devices. I think I told you before about my clothes, that some of them got water damaged, so I just have the three complete outfits of my own left, but I've been digging through mom's closet trying to find things that fit with some success, and I'm proud to say that I've managed to be pretty much fully dressed constantly all week (except for going to school and work obviously). At this moment I'm in my pink skirt and velvety red top, along with the really red lipstick I told you about and the necklace. This week has been the longest time that I've been able to dress up every morning and stay that way almost non-stop, and it's gotten to the point where wearing my male clothes to school seems strange. I have to work tonight so it's back to the t shirt and jeans for a few hours, but after that I'm pretty much set for the week.
I've also gone back to using the vibrator this week as well. I sort of let it go for a few weeks, not for any particular reason except not thinking to take it out. I've brought it out every night so far and it's actually a much better experience than before, I think because I feel so safe, I'm not just locked in my room, waiting for my dad to barge in. If you saw my mom's room, it's pretty much a sissy's paradise, stacked up with pinks, leopard prints, and pin ups, not to mention silk bed sheets. It just makes me feel perfectly in place. I brought the girdle but I haven't worn it yet, only because I don't want to accidentally rip it or mess it up. As I mentioned, I do have access to a full length mirror in the master bathroom this week, it practically scans the whole wall, so maybe I'll try to squeeze into some heels (it will hurt though) and practice walking if I can.
One bit of bad news, as you know, the money situation has been tight for me and I have so little to spare. Anyway, I drove past the Fashion Bug right next to the house and they were having a buy one get one free sale, but I had no money; it was a little depressing.
Anyway, that's everything for this week, and I have to admit that the week off, while helpful for other reasons, has left me really anxious to come see you again.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
- Sissy Brittney.

09-27-06: Hello Mistress
A little warning, I woke up really sick this morning, and I'm a bit woozy from the Nyquil, so if this starts to make no sense, I apologize. I think you were right in your e-mail when you said I needed a session yesterday emotionally, and despite how I feel physically today for unrelated reasons, I think it really helped me work through alot of the stress that was building up the past couple weeks. This week I've been training for my new job and watching my free time evaporate for this mess I'm in and it was good to step away from that and get centered for a change. Yesterday's session in particular was good for that, and it showed me a side of the training process that I'd never realized before. I've always thought of our sessions in two separate ways, both of which complimented each other but still had different effects (the actual instruction of being a sissy/submissive, and the more sensual side, what I would call use I guess, that so easily makes me zone out). Yesterday, those two merged in a way that I didn't see happening until the end, and I was pleasantly surprised. For those who weren't there, of course you were giving me another lesson in walking in high heels, specifically moving my hips, and I wasn't quite getting it. It wasn't until I was able to completely lose myself to your control and stop thinking that I was able to do it right, which means alot to me and shows how important letting go to your will actually is for me.
After yesterday's session, I'm also getting more and more eager to try the more extensive bondage and restraints that we talked about, especially given how susceptible I am to tickle torture. While there's no place I'd rather be than bent over your bench, screaming my mantra as you ram into me (even if it is partially simulated), the inability of movement adds so much more to it. I took it for granted at first, but now I realize how vital it is. I am worried as you are of the possibility of going over the edge, but the prospect of that, not knowing whether or not I can handle it and not knowing what to expect only makes it more exciting for me.
I thought I would end this e-mail with a fantasy I had yesterday, which I haven't done as much of late, but it relates to the bondage topic. I thought it through last night and it's one of the more vivid one's I've had lately. It starts out as any other session, with me eventually dressed in the pink skirt and white top (purple girdle underneath of course). You place me in the easy access stress position on the bed, but this time I'm facing you, my head at the edge of the bed, and my chest is propped up by pillows. You approach the foot of the bed with your strap on already attached, placing the head at the end of my lips, and you order me to gently kiss it. I do, but just as I try to go further you pull away. I'm longing for more of your cock but you keep it just too far away from me, every so often even slapping me in the face it and teasing me until I can't take it. You order me to beg you for your cock, which I do instantly. I tell you how much I love and need your cock and what a good slut I am, but you're not satisfied, so you move away from me again and pick up a tube of red lipstick and open it. To make your point, you take the lipstick and write "Cockslut" across my forehead, and then you suddenly jam your cock into my waiting mouth. I can't move, so you are basically fucking my face wherever you please.
When you are satisfied, you pull out and begin to take me out of bondage. I think it's over, but then you roughly pull me back up and begin to tie my wrists together, followed by my ankles. In the start of a hogtie, you sit on the chair and throw me over your lap, disconnecting the dildo and holding it in the hand by my head. My instructions are simple: I'm to accept you cock, and every time you remove it, I am to thank you for allowing me the honor of sucking it. This goes on for several more minutes, every few minutes or so you pull out, I scream my thank you in between moans of passion, and you reinsert, hammering the point home each time with a slap of ass with the other hand. This was as far as I got before...well, you know , so I may add to it tonight.
Anyway, it goes without saying at the point, but thank you again for a wonderful session, and I can't wait for our next one.

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney

09-20-06: Hello Mistress
It feels a bit weird writing this knowing that the next entry I write won't be preceded by a session; I can't imagine what I'll think to write about next week having not actually seen you the day before. Thankfully yesterday we did have a session and it was great as usual. I was a bit surprised at how well I did handle being in the stress position you put me in; of course it was an entirely new experience, and for me, bondage has always felt a bit strange. Physically it has yet to have much real effect, as I mentioned yesterday, I feel just as helpless in your presence whether I'm bound or not (of course it does serve as a constant reminder of that helplessness). Psychologically though, and I didn't really realize this until afterwards, yesterday's particular type of bondage did hit me on a deeper level (both literally and figuratively) when I thought about it in terms of what you called "easy access". Thinking about it now, as much as my helplessness is a function of my submission, and as much as I actively seek to put myself in that position, sometimes my body doesn't always react the way I want it to. My body is so sensitive in the state you put me in that I flinch and jerk around even when I'm feeling something I'd logically want to stay still for. We talked about this in relation to tickle torture, which feels good but turns my body into a (futile) escape artist. Being put into a position of bondage like the one I was in yesterday removes that. I obviously don't want to move away from your touch, and the bondage forces my body to adhere to that, while providing you with an unmoving body to toy with at your whim.
One more thing, I was a bit shocked to learn that my training would be ending soon. This isn't to say that I don't think I've learned much, because I have, but it just seems like there's so much more I don't know. I suppose though that even when it's just "use" as you called it, it will still be a learning experience. All life is a learning experience, but for me our sessions are even more so, and I suspect that will be so whether it's officially training or not. Apart from that, while I never really thought about how far I've come, I guess I'm proud of myself that I have gotten this far. When I first realized that I was a submissive, apart from being a sissy and before even meeting you, I never thought I would get to the point that I am at now. I figured I would just bury the feelings I was having and move on, keep going with what everybody else considered normal and that would be that. While I credit myself with making the first bold step to contact you and meet with you the first time, after that you have been so crucial in ushering me forward, showing me what it's actually like to serve under a dominant woman. I'm glad I can now say that I know what that's like, and I can only imagine how depressed I would be if I hadn't sought you out, given what else has happened to me in the last year. Anyway, I guess this is my roundabout way of thanking you for what you've given me, even though it's probably the thousandth time I've said it.
I think that's everything in my brain at the moment, so I will send another one of these next week and hopefully see you two weeks from now.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney

09-05-06: Hello Mistress
As you told me to do, I've been thinking about yesterday's session all morning and trying to figure out where I think my mind is right now after what happened. To be completely honest, while I did definitely feel guilty for what I had done right after the fact, by the time I left your home, I genuinely think it had passed. When I woke up this morning, I remembered our session and when I thought about the end of it, I didn't think about how bad I still felt about what happened, but on the contrary, I remembered fondly how good I felt when I was on my knees looking up at you and you told me it was alright, that I shouldn't be ashamed. I think the reason it did effect me so much was because I had built it up so much in my mind for so long. Yesterday I broke a fundamental rule you set down on our first meeting, and even though it wasn't in my control, that's still big for me because I don't want to disappoint you. Because my mind is not always at its most cogent during our sessions, I'm not always able to process things as well as I would under other circumstances, so when I'm in that frame of mind and I do something wrong, something deserving correction, I'm overly sensitive and I might not grasp the absolution of your correction right away, even though I understand it after the fact. I'm always going to be a little afraid of disappointing you this way, not because of the potential correction, but because I respect you and honor so much that I want to perform well for you as much as I can. I also realize that part of the reason I came was because you we're intentionally pushing my limits, which is of course one of the key parts of our relationship, and another reason I may have felt more guilty than I should have at the time is because I think I could have tried harder to hold on. Your instruction not to cum should be enough for me not to, but my body just gave out.
Anyway, I've tried to think this through as much as could in the past few hours, and this is where my train of thought ended. I don't think I'm still harboring any guilt, at least not consciously, but if you still feel when you see me that I do have some subconscious guilt, then I will understand if you think further correction is needed. That seems strange to even say, because it's not as though I would have a choice anyway, but I thought I would tell you where I stood on the subject. Ultimately, even with the end, which left me ambivalent if anything else, yesterday's session was still as meaningful and as fun as ever, and I obviously learned something by the experience.

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
 - Sissy Brittney

09-01-06: Hello Mistress
Before I start into our session, I thought I would tell you about how I woke up this morning . I mentioned yesterday that I was incredibly close to being milked, and because it was the night of and I couldn't use my vibrator, I went to bed feeling a little pent up, hormones raging. For the most part, I don't even remember my dreams, but last night it was one of the most vivid ones I've had in awhile. It wasn't anything bizarre, just a replay of our session almost, me on my back, legs in the air, with you on top of me, trashing my body around wherever you wanted to take me. The only thing strange about it was my breasts, which were full without the need of breast forms, and which you took cruel delight in manhandling as you rode me. Anyway, when I woke up, I was practically already in that zone, as if I was in the middle of real session with you. I almost instinctually got into position just as I woke up, and within a few minutes I had 'made a mess', which I cleaned up as you would have had me do if it had happened during a session. I wasn't sure if this was too personal or too lurid to discuss here, but I thought you would like to hear it anyway.
On to the session, I think yesterday moved me forward in two big ways. On the one hand, you we're right that the change in outfit to something more toned down helped me psychologically as far as being more comfortable outside. Despite the looks I got and the reaction from the jerks across the street, I still felt more like any other woman out and about, at least more so than with the PVC maids outfit, which is more obviously fetish-wear. I'm still a little shaky, but I am so much more at peace now than when I first stepped out a few months ago, and I agree that my first foray into an actual restaurant will be a real awakening for me.
The second was purely physical, the fact that yesterday was probably the hardest and farthest that we've gone as far as anal since I found out about my medical problem, which gives me hope that it's getting better by the day. There was a little trouble at the very beginning, which I think was just a function of not using the plug regularly as I did in the beginning (the daily tampons aren't really a substitute), but once we got started it was pretty much fine. The only time it really hurt (which wasn't a really bad pain), was when you were tickling me, which was only because my body was shooting around out of control and things kind of moved in an awkward motion. All in all, I think my body is making progress, maybe not the point of taking your strapon just yet, but it's definitely an improvement.
That's everything I can think of for now, so I will hopefully see you next Tuesday; thank you again.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
-Sissy Brittney

08-23-06: Hello Mistress
I'm writing this at my mother's house and something just happened that I thought I would mention before I start this. I've told you about her little dog and how she babies him, anyway, she just got home, and of course he leapt up and started whining, wanting to be picked up and petted. After that, she sat down and started batting the dog around with her feet as he laid on the floor rolling around. This sounds silly, but this reminded me of me in a weird way. I looked at his face and he looked like he was in the happiest place he'd ever been, just because he was finally able to be at his master's (in his and my case, his mistress') feet. I don't know why this made me think this way, but it just came to mind as I started writing.
Anyway, yesterday's session was amazing, like always, and like always, I experienced something new and learned a few new things about myself. This was probably the most extensive level of bondage I've ever been placed in (second only to my recent experience with rope bondage), and apart from understanding the physical side of going through it, I also discovered just how strongly it could effect me psychologically. I was being honest when I said that I feel just as helpless and under your control whether I'm in restraints or not, but to have it physically manifested like that, for my relinquishing of control to be at the forefront of my mind at all times as you explored my immobile body, was certainly as enlightening as it was enjoyable. I was fully aware how loud I was screaming near the end and given how overcharged my available senses were, I'm surprised it wasn't louder.
Beyond that, I have to say that the temptation to bring out my vibrator after our session was pretty strong, but I put it out of my head. Unfortunately, since I'll be here all week, I won't have access to it until at least Friday. I'll try to survive, but it just makes the expectation to actually see you even greater, because it can't substitute. Even the thrill of just being before you, on my knees minutes after we start, is ten times bigger than anything I could find on my own.
 I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
- Sissy Brittney.

08-15-06: Hello Mistress
I think the lesson of yesterday's session was definitely control. I've never seen my tendency to slip into a trance so easily as a bad thing, and I still don't, but yesterday as you were testing me, trying to control when and for how long I was "under", I realized that the end result of trying to control it was far more gratifying than just giving in to it right away. I think part of the reason why I trance out so easily, as we discussed, is just the atmosphere that our sessions put me in. When I'm in your room, it's probably the safest place I could ever be in. Anything that's been bothering me (like my recent personal life apocalypse) melts away almost instantly and I can just be me, so naturally my defenses are automatically down. Even so, as we're getting more and more able to extend that, keeping me aware longer makes the inevitable...I want to say hypnotism but I don't think that covers it, even more powerful. Yesterday, you were more in my head than ever before, and for more than a few moments I actually felt and believed that I was in an entirely different place, being ravaged like the slut I so want to be and loving every minute of it. What made this even better was the end, when I was over the bench and it was you behind me, pounding into me, and I could feel you filling me and overtaking me more than you ever have.
I have to say that I am really looking forward to continuing my training in this area, as well as expanding my understanding and experience of the domestic side of things. I'd like to think it's a symptom of how I've grown and matured as a submissive in the months that I've been seeing you, but I really never thought I would ever be as emotionally fulfilled by simply doing housework as I was yesterday, even the little bit of it that you had me do. Just as when you had me go to the local gas station, or just as with any of the home assignments like my tampons, as much as it is training me to be more involved and accepting of my being a sissy, it's also helped me discover just how much I enjoy following your orders. When I was outside washing your windows, it felt so good to know that I was serving you, to know that I could get it just right and come inside again to see you smiling in approval. It's just one of those things that seems like it would be small or insignificant, washing windows, that actually affects me more upon reflection than I would of thought (that reflection thing wasn't meant as a pun, but now I like how that sounded).

I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked

 - Sissy Brittney.

08-09-06: Hello Mistress
I really think that after everything that's happened this week, being able to see you yesterday was the one thing that kept me from exploding (in a bad way). This week was getting more and more difficult and it was great to have that release. It was all great, but I think the biggest thing for me was being able to suck your cock again. It's been awhile since you've let me and as I've mentioned here before, it's one of my favorite things about any session. The fact that the egg was firmly in place, not to mention your foot imbedded into me pushing it in, made it even better. Beyond that, the addition of rope bondage also made the sensations you sent through me even more potent, as I said at the time, because I couldn't move, everything was kept inside my body and built up, to the point where my legs were literally lifted up off the bench when I was untied.
Anyway, I just have to thank you again for everything you've done for me, not just yesterday but for all of it, because it's becoming more obvious that my sessions with you are probably the best thing going on in my life.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
 - Sissy Brittney

08-02-06: Hello Mistress
Yesterday's session was perfect like always, and every time I think back on it, I actually get a little breathless; I think my body still has a little bit of sense memory to work through. As I said near the end, you pulled me in a million different directions yesterday and it left me more than a little dizzy for the rest of the day. Of course a big part of it was the reintroduction of anal, which again, I must say I was surprised and proud of myself that it could even go as far as it did without difficulty. I can't overstate the sensation that went through me when you had me sitting on the bench, concentrating on the ABC's of all things. Not only was the outside of my body going crazy from the egg, but this time the same feeling was shooting up inside of me and hitting every single spot at once, and to top it off, my mind was constantly forced back and forth into consciousness by your tests. I'm amazed that I was even able to speak cogently for as long as I did. Also, I just have to say again that I love the new inflatable plug. Not only is it great for the training aspect, but to feel it get thicker and thicker almost sent me over the edge right there.
The other thing I wanted to talk about was something that may not have seemed like a big deal to you as you probably see it all the time, but it was huge for me. Near the end of our session, when you had me on my knees kissing your feet, I honestly can't remember a time when I was more excited and enthralled, in fact I'm starting to have trouble breathing as I write this. It wasn't a "foot fetish" thing, though perhaps I do have some of that inside me and didn't realize it, it was more just the demonstration of my supplication to you that made it so fulfilling, directly reminding me where my place was . To be honest, even though I could never forget my submissive place under you, sometimes I've felt uncomfortable even standing up in your presence. It feels strange for me to physically look down at you because I'm so below you psychologically. To be on my knees and worshipping the feet you walk on is really where I need to be. This is partly my I love sucking your cock so much (apart from my needs as a slut), because it is a constant reminder throughout that I am below you and yours to use.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
Thank you for another great session, - Sissy Brittney

07-26-06: Hello Mistress
 The session yesterday was amazing as usual, even if it was shorter than usual, and it left me with a very weird sensation all throughout dinner last night. I don't normally like to talk about this sort of thing, I think it's sort of lewd to say in public, but I think you should know that I actually came a little bit while driving, on my way to my mom's house. It's never happened that way before, but I didn't even feel it and I didn't notice until after I was already wet. I felt a little embarrassed walking into mom's even though I was the only one who knew, and luckily I have a spare drawer of clothes here that I could change into (boxers unfortunately). Other than that, the dinner went fine, nothing extraordinary or sissy-related happened, but I just thought you would like to know that you left a lasting impression on me.
Thinking more about specifically the aftermath of our session this week, me visiting with my grandparents after just being put through serious slut training, I have to say that it's illustrative of me really turning a corner as a sissy and I think as just a female in general. I don't know if you remember, but several months ago (maybe even late last year), I went down to Pennsylvania to see them and I was a little uncomfortable with performing my daily tasks at their house, even though no one knew about it but me. The biggest problem was the plug, which felt strange because my grandparents even keep pictures of Jesus in the bathroom (not joking), but even just the lingerie under my male clothes felt a little weird, like I was doing something wrong just because of the atmosphere I was in. This time, I was around them and I felt none of that. Of course I was at my mother's place and she isn't a Jesus freak, but still I think I'm much more comfortable being around people feeling completely feminine, even though they would probably both have shame induced heart attacks if they ever knew what I was feeling, let alone what we do during an average session.
Anyway, this is just an idea and I'm eager to hear your thoughts on it, and thanks again for another excellent session.
I am a cunt, I am to suck, and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney

07-19-06: Hello Mistress
To start with, it took me almost 45 minutes to get home last night because I was so knocked out by our session I got lost on the way. I think I said this to you afterwards, but it bears repeating that I never expected to run the complete gamut of emotions as I did yesterday; I went from literally crying to laughing manically in the course of an hour and half and the whole thing left me dizzy. As for the purpose of the pain, using the electricity to instill my mantra into my brain, all I can say is, I'd like to think that I have taken it seriously up until now, I've said it everyday and made time to absorb its meaning, but if I haven't been taking it seriously enough, I certainly will from now on. As I was driving home, the only other thing that was ringing through my head besides the oncoming rush was that mantra, I could barely think of anything else.
As for the rest of the session, I've come to the decision that I have got to go out as soon as possible to buy one of those small vibrators. My large one doesn't fit under the girdle obviously and I think I'm going to be using it regularly from now on. Again, as with the plug, I'll wait to ask you if I can first, but I really want to try to get that feeling again on my own for the majority of the time I don't get to see you. Overall, I think this last session reminded me, not that I'd forgotten it, just how much power you have over me, now more than ever, to do to me whatever you want. Had you brought out the electric swatter on my second or third session, I honestly don't know if I could have handled it or if I would have run out screaming. Now that I've been seeing you this long and we've made this connection, you can hurt me so much that I'm sobbing and I genuinely thank you for it, just because you've given me the privilege of your time and attention. I do feel like this was really a breakthrough for me, and again, I thank you for it.
 I am a hole to be filled, I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked.
- Sissy Brittney

07-12-06: Hello Mistress
Hopefully I didn't send this twice, I accidentally hit a button just now so you might be getting a second blank e-mail along with this one. Yesterday's session was great as usual, made even more so by my not having one the last few weeks. Obviously the highlight, at least for me, was my second trip outside. It's not that I didn't remember going out the first time, but since it had been so long, my last trip to the store was sort of far from my mind at the time, so it was a nice jarring reminder of where my training's going. The first time I went out I didn't really talk to anyone and I was gone and back in a few minutes, but this time, I actually interacted with people and letting them see me longer than a few seconds, and the fact that I was ultimately so calm and that it was so easy made me feel like I've really come a long way in letting my feminine side come out. Of course I seriously doubt I was passing with my stubble and the collar and they probably just thought I was weird, but still, I didn't feel bad about it and I didn't care if they thought that. Looking back on it, I don't know how to describe it except to say I'm feeling more and more natural in my own skin every time I go out, and the fear I felt at first is all but gone. Again, this is all thanks to you, because even though you're not there, because you sent me there and because I've gotten this far because of you, you're sort of there in spirit and that helps a lot.
As for the second part of our session, I have to say that I was a little disappointed, not from anything on your end, but just by my own physicality, that my not using the plug has apparently pulled back my progress. Still, the rush at the end was probably the biggest one yet. As far as Tease and Denial goes, it's strange, but it's sort of unbearable in the best way possible. There's a point where I'm about to burst and it's so close that I start to think the punishment might just be worth it to let go. By that of course I mean just the physical pain part of it, and the idea of me failing in one of your rules is much worse and keeps me from actually doing it, but that point comes usually in the middle, and then you keep going which drives me crazy (again, in a good way).
As far as the plug goes, naturally I'll wait for a response from you as to whether or not to proceed with it, and until then I'll continue to fulfill all my other tasks, and I see about that red nail polish when I go into work (I think I work Thursday and Friday but I have to call in tonight). Thank you again for another great session, and I can't wait for the next one.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney

06-29-06: Hello Mistress
The internet is finally back on here so I have some time to send this out. Sorry about yesterday, but if it sounded rushed it was because my boss was right downstairs and he was going to be coming up any moment. As I said yesterday, I haven't had a chance to fully dress today because I'm working at night and people are here during the day, so I've had to survive on just bra and panties, stockings, and the panty girdle. One little point of interest, this week at the theater we've been showing the Notorious Betty Paige. I've never been a huge fan of her, I've never obsessed over her like some people do, but watching the movie reminded me alot of myself when I first started coming to see you. There are a lot of scenes of her trying on different outfits and getting deeper into things and she was always so giddy and adventurous about it, and it was very familiar in how I felt trying on stockings for the first real time or walking in high heels. I guess I still feel it, like the last time I saw you and you had me in the PVC maid outfit. Every time I come to you it's something new, if not an entirely new situation, than at least a new feeling after I leave, and the anticipation and uncertainty of that is one of the things that makes our sessions all the more enjoyable for me, not just in the dressing up aspect but in everything.
At my job they made up the schedule last night and I'm apparently working tomorrow (Friday) night too, so I won't be able to dress up and take that time to myself that you suggested, but I don't work at all Saturday and Sunday and my dad works all weekend so I think I'll do it then. Maybe I'll close all the blinds, put on one of my black skirts and just lounge around the house for a few hours and try to get my head straight. Also, it turns out that next week I do actually have family coming in from out of state so I probably won't have much time to myself then either, but I'll try to find some time even if it's just me locked in my room.
Anyway, I hope this message finds you well and you have a great holiday week, mine will probably be inevitably ruined by one drunken relative or another, but I hope for the best.
 "I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked." Still saying it every morning.
 - Sissy Brittney.

06-28-06: Hello Mistress,
Sorry for the lateness, I got to my mom's house this morning and her internet was down so I'm writing this at 6:00 pm at the computer at my work. I'm not exactly sure what to say for this one, I've been thinking about what I was going to put down here for the last couple days now and I'm sort of at a loss. Without a session to base anything on this week, I've had to survive on fantasies alone and since next week is the fourth of July, the prospect of yet another week without any contact or training is pretty grim.  I've been dressing every day since my dad has his night job, but I didn't get a chance to today and I wont tomorrow because my mom isnt working. The mantra you gave me is actually helping alot with the not seeing you thing, I've found then when I do it long enough, it's almost like a hypnotic trigger, it sends me back to your place and I can almost feel like I'm still there.  I think I will split this into two parts and email you again tomorrow, I am supposed to be working now and I think I should get downstairs. Sorry, hopefully the internet at home will be back on tomorrow and I can finish early.
I am a cunt, I am to suck and be fucked
- Sissy Brittney.

06-21-06: Hello Mistress
Luckily I was able to get on here sooner than I thought. Yesterday's session was incredible as always, and to be honest, I'm having a little trouble articulating everything in my head. Of course the big thing was the drive to Speedway, which sounds really mundane for other people reading this when I write it down but the memory of it still makes me shake. I think with the few times I had gone out just to my car, I had not fully appreciated how much easier it was because you were right there watching me. Even though I didn't notice you the first time I walked out yesterday as I said, I could still feel your presence there, so being completely by myself, interacting with other people dressed up (as a PVC maid no less!), was sort of a shock to my system. You told me to think of my car as safety, and I tried, but thinking about it now, I don't think that is what made me ultimately feel safe. Honestly, I only really felt comfortable outside when I got it in my head that you had sent me there. Even though it was a relatively simple task, it didn't matter that I was in full view of the rest of the world, because you asked me to be there, and being able to come back having done as you told me made it a lot easier. I'm looking forward to exploring this further.
Also, I was pleased to find out that there was no pain (bad medical pain I mean) from what little degree of anal we tried yesterday. We went for longer than I've been able to go on my own (i.e. longer than ten minutes) and there wasn't ever a moment where I even thought it was getting dangerous. I hope I'm not jinxing things to say that I just might be healed up enough to go further in this as well (though I would like to try the numbing agent just to be on the safe side).
Beyond that, I thought you'd want to know that yesterday when I left for home, I was so out of it that I made it there all right and remembered to take out the pigtails for going inside, but I completely forgot about my lipstick! Luckily nobody was around right away and I noticed in time to wipe it off, but it could have been a close call.
Anyway, thanks for another amazing session.
 - Sissy Brittney.

06-06-06: Hello Mistress
I know this is later in the day than usual again, but at least this time it wasn't a technical issue, I've just been trying to shoo my dad away from the computer all morning. Anyway, yesterdays session was great as usual, and to confess something, I was a little revved up when I got home so I sort of continued a little bit on my own. I took out my dildo, the small black vibrator, and got fully dressed, trying to get back in the mindset I'm in during a session. Every time I'm with you, regardless of what we do but especially when I'm on my knees, sucking your cock, my mind just sort of shuts off and switches over to total instinct. Since I wasn't that far away from that feeling after our session yesterday, it was easier to get it back, but I still didn't quite get there by myself. When I took the vibrator into my mouth I tried to imagine it was yours, with your hand on the back of my head, guiding me in, and the fact that I was in my pink skirt with the new stockings and the girdle, able to see myself in my door mirror, it almost put me back. Also, I did try anal, which went fine for about ten or fifteen minutes before it started to hurt, and again I tried to get it into my head that it was you, bending me over your spanking bench and taking me. I don't usually pick out a favorite part of our sessions, but I think when you had me over the bench yesterday, even simulating yourself pounding into me, this was probably the point that sticks out in my mind the most. Obviously it was the point where I think I orgasmed, but when I remember it now it was also where I felt the most comfortable. There was a moment when I could almost feel it about to go in and I was torn between wanting desperately for it to go in, and knowing that it couldn't, but despite that, being there in that position made me shiver like crazy.
I find out if I work this week tonight, so if I do, I just might be able to get a little shopping done (I E: Whites) before I leave for Penn. on Sunday, but I might not be able to get to it until I come back, either Thursday or Friday next week. Also, I loved the picture online, though that strand of hair over my face is a little silly looking. Either way, looking at it is an interesting feeling, to see me how you see me. Anyway, thank you again for another fantastic session and I hope I can get through next week without seeing you.
 - Sissy Brittney.

05-31-06: Hello Mistress
Thinking about our last session, I'd have to say it was probably, in large part, almost the exact opposite of last week's session, which isn't to say it was bad, just that it focused on a different part of my training this time. My feet were still sore for about an hour after I left, but I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I picked up on walking in high heels; obviously I'm still not perfect yet, but I did alot better than I have in the past and alot better than I thought I would. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to get out to the store, but probably sometime in the next few days or so I'll try somewhere in Eastland Mall to find a nice pair to practice on. The nice thing about it is my house has a path inside that's one big circle so I'll have alot of room to walk around next time I'm home alone. I'd like to think that this new skill, once I get good at it, along with a better understanding of make-up and some of the other things I need to work on, puts me one step closer to actually going out in public, and I think I can honestly say that the fear of doing that is completely gone. I remember the first time you had me stand out with the door open and I was practically terrified, but yesterday I didn't even flinch, which I take as a good sign that I'm getting more comfortable with not only dressing and acting like how I feel, but also being seen doing it.
On the subject of the plug, I think I'm going to try it out tonight and see how it goes, and either way I'll e-mail you tomorrow to tell you how it went and if I'm ready to take it further. At this point I'm cautiously optimistic about it, but I figure that this is the first time in a while that I've felt good enough to try so I might as well. You'll get an update as soon as possible. Also, I was thinking about going clothing shopping again. I'm not sure what hours I'm working this week but if I have time, I was thinking about starting a collection of whites to go along with my reds and blacks. I don't know if you remember the little bo peep dress I thought about buying a while ago, but I was in there again last week and they're still there, so I thought I would give them some more consideration, but I'll need a white bra and panty set to go with them, and some new white stockings.
Anyway, that's all for now, thank you for another great session and I can't wait for next week. - Sissy Brittney
05-24-06: Hello Mistress
Sorry for the lateness, something went wrong and I've been trying to get my computer working all morning, and the internet just came back on (I have to get a new computer soon!). Yesterday's session was absolutely amazing. The rush was certainly back and I think because I didn't really get there last time and the anticipation was building, it made it even bigger. I was right in thinking that the fear I originally felt was irrational, and that it would subside once I was in the middle of things (though I have to admit the hour or so alone with you before he got there really helped to calm my nerves). When he finally came, I wasn't really scared that much at all, and I was only shivering out of excitement. I think the reason I wasn't scared is because you were still there, I could still feel your presence, and I still saw him as an extension of you. Even though he was free to do whatever he wanted to me and I was there to please him, that was only because it pleased you, so there was no reason to fear.
I do wonder if we saw the whole thing in the same way though. In the end when I was laying there, covered in cum, you both talked about how used up I looked. Maybe I think of that differently, but I took that to be some mark of humiliation, that I was supposed to feel degraded that I was such a whore, but I didn't feel that way at all. If anything, I felt so much better about myself laying there, because I was there to please him and the fact that he came over me meant that I succeeded, that I was a good girl, and being able to taste it was my reward. I still remember the last time I sucked a real cock and didn't make him cum, I felt so bad about it afterwards because I wanted to make you proud. I know what I am now, I'm your slut, and being your slut, doing what a slut owned by you would do, is what makes me happy.
I also have one confession to make. I think it was last week or maybe the week before when you asked me whether or not being able to have anal sex took anything away from our sessions, and I said no. I genuinely thought that at the time, but yesterday I realized that I miss it more than I thought I did. When he finally pulled me off of his cock, I wanted so badly for him to bend me over the bed and just ram into me as hard as he could. It felt like the next logical step, but of course I knew it wasn't going to happen and could not happen without injury, and also I think because I knew he was limited from doing such a simple but powerful thing, I didn't feel his power over me as immediately as maybe I should have. This only gives me more motivation to get this cleared up as soon as possible, because, even though I'll still feel like a true slut without it, I'm not able to perform in all the ways a true slut should be able to.
That's everything for now, except to say that I have to go out and buy more pants, because now that you've given me the panty girdle, everything is pushed in and none of my baggy pants fit anymore (I guess the gut I'm so self-conscious about was actually good for something!). Anyway, that's it, and thanks for another great session.
- Sissy Brittney.

05-17-06: Hello Mistress
To be honest, I've been having a bit of a difficult time writing this email, because it's been hard for me to organize my thoughts about yesterday's session. I'm not saying it wasn't as enjoyable or meaningful as every other session, it was just so radically different than anything else we've done together, and the whole experience was really kind of surreal. The words sound strange just putting them down into the text box, but I never thought that there would ever be a point where I would have my gloved hand inside of another person like that. The only word I can think of to describe it is bizarre. At times I wasn't sure what my role was. I obviously still knew I was submissive to you, and you were of course right there to guide me through it, but at the same time I had some degree of control of him, where one mistake could have seriously hurt him. Intellectually, it was a place I had never been in before, and to be honest, I didn't get the same rush as I usually get, not because it was negative at all, but because my mind was too preoccupied with mulling it all over. It was like being in the most insane classroom ever, and I learned a lot, but I didn't succumb to that raw sensation that I normally do after a session.
That being said, of course the bigger thing to talk about now is obviously my expectations for our next session, and again, it's been tough to pinpoint exactly how I think and feel about it. The prospect of having another man there who isn't one of your slaves, whose actually the aggressor, it one that will be entirely new and I'm not sure what's going to happen or how it will change me, if at all. Of course I'm scared, as I usually am with things like this, but I think its an irrational fear, just as going outside was until I did it and realized how natural it was for me to do it. I think, or at least I hope, that when the time finally comes, I'll be able to get past any reservations and take this next step. I've certainly had fantasies about this happening, the typical "taken by a stranger" ideas, but as it usually happens with you, I'm sure no fantasy will be able to live up to the reality. I have no idea what to expect, which isn't a bad thing, it's just that I'm stepping into the unknown again, and the only thing I can count on is that I trust you, and I know you know what's best for me. I know that you wouldn't put me in any danger and that If you think I'm ready for this, than I am, even if I don't exactly know what I'm ready for. I don't know if this is as precise as you wanted me to be, but I think it reflects just how much our last session made me think, that I'm still in the process of thinking everything through, as I most likely will be until I come back next week.
- Sissy Brittney, Waiting Patiently