Sissy danielle's 2019 Chastity Journal
10-27-2019: I hate moving. For the second
time this year I'm having to move due to circumstances beyond my control. It's
resulted in a week living out of a suitcase while I put my life in boxes and
totes. Unfortunately this has resulted in losing access to my clothes and toys
for a bit. The hope is to have access to everything again by this Thursday and
back to truly providing you with pleasure every day. I'm not sure I could handle
not being able to dress for Halloween. It's the one day of the year people like
me can be "out" without anyone judging you. I can wear some of my outfits and
say I'm going as Jane Fonda in 9 to 5 or Peggy from Mad Men or C J Cregg from
West Wing and I get laughs for days without the sideways glance or the hint of
nervousness.
Added to that bit of stress was this being my period week. I bring my messenger
bag with me everywhere this week since I need to carry extra panty liners in
case I need to use the restroom. No one really questions why I'm carrying it as
I usually have other things I need in there as well, but I always feel like
everyone knows why I'm carrying it. Logically I know they aren't assuming any
such thing, but I still get paranoid. This results in me going out less in my
period week. It's so much easier to just stay in so I don't have to worry as
much about making sure I have a way to conceal the extra panty liners I would
need.
As you've noted, my body is once again adapting to the chastity cage. I rarely
get erections at all anymore. While I did get aroused a bit while in your body
bag, I didn't even get to a ruined orgasm. When I wake up it sometimes is a
little larger in the cage, but it's never fully erect. Even when I shop for
clothes (something that always used to turn me on) nothing happens. I literally
now look for outfits and consider what would look good on me and not just what
looks pleasing on the model. It has shifted my focus to even more conservative
femme attire. I'll never be able to pull off any "sexy" Halloween costume, but I
think I look pretty nice in what would be considered "career wear". I kind of
can't wait to pick out my next outfit and get your approval.
I hope you have an amazing Halloween Ms Patty.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.
------
10-22-2019: Of course I apologize first
for this being so late this week. I didn't anticipate having to move on little
notice, but here I go, changing homes for the 2nd time this year.
Last week was quite amazing despite my relocation news. I got to serve you in
person again and once again reported in the new uniform you suggested the last
time you helped me shop for femme clothes for service. I always feel so
professional and put together when standing in my outfit, spinning in front of
you so you can inspect and make sure I look perfectly presentable for you. After
all, I'm sure you don't want someone who is going to be accepting deliveries to
your dungeon to look anything but perfectly professional. I especially loved the
way I looked with the new apron you got for me. I don't get much chance to see
when I look like while serving you as the posture collar that is part of my
uniform keeps me from behind able to look down and see myself, but I caught a
glimpse of myself in the mirror and truly saw how femme you have made me. I saw
my eye makeup matching my lips, I saw how the breasts looked almost natural. The
apron tied perfectly to show off my figure. I was glad to be in flats instead of
heels to do some of the cleaning.
The second half of my service was a new experience for me however. While I have
grown quite comfortable in just the service role, it's the other types of play
where you have begun to push my limits. This time it was breath play.
Now I love inescapable bondage so when you told me I was going to put in once of
your body bags I was excited (not in that way). The feeling of being zipped into
the bag was exquisite. There was a little room to move at first, but I was
pretty much under your total control at that point, but then came the straps. As
you tightened each one, pinning my arms against my body, then pinning my legs
and feet to each other, I was totally restricted. The light sleep mask completed
the outfit, giving me no way to look at you, but only hear your voice as you
slip the bag over my head and duct taped it around my neck. Slowly you removed
my access to fresh air through the bag. You voice helped me not to panic at
first, but as the air was slowly removed my mind did decide to start to mess
with me a little bit. Of course I know you wouldn't allow anything to happen to
me, but as breathing became a bit harder and my head got a little light, I
couldn't help but have "worst case scenarios" go through my imagination. Just as
they were really starting to take hold, the bag came off. "seven and a half
minutes" you said. It had felt like 20.
I was given a small break before you announced it was time to go back in the
bag. Part of me didn't want to, but as always, when I hear your voice, I trust I
will be fine. Plus "My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure",
so I automatically let out my best "yes Ms Patty". You told me you would remove
the air a little faster this time which left a little less time for my anxiety
to build as I once again had my life in your hands. Once the bag was closed and
I was once again using up the last of my air I felt a little calmer the second
time, but still couldn't help to strain in my body as the oxygen depleted. Once
again the bag came off and you said "seven and a half minutes". It had felt like
longer, but as you always say "the body is a machine". I have a feeling we could
have done it a third time and it still would have taken the same amount of time.
The drive home was refreshing for the most part. I was very comfortable in my
clothes. I didn't spend the whole time hoping other drivers didn't look over and
see me in my uniform. I just felt like I was in my own skin. I don't feel that
way too often, so that was a nice aftereffect of my day serving you. It didn't
last, but it was a feeling I enjoyed and would like to feel more of. I'm not
sure if it was the leftover "high" from the breath play or just that being femme
for you has become almost normal for me almost six months into being under your
thumb.
It wasn't too long ago that when I considered dressing up for things, I would
wonder if I should wear a nice skirt suit or get out my formal tuxedo. Now I
don't even worry about that anymore. I know that basically you will have my
outfit laid out for me. My job is just to put it on and follow your lead.
I'm hoping my life can get less crazy here after I'm done moving again. I'm a
person who is most productive when I can get into a routine, so my over
productivity has gone down these last couple of weeks.
Thank you for yet another amazing week under Your thumb Ms Patty
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------
10-13-2019: This week was especially
stressful but kind of let me know that You are someone I can trust to actually
feel empathy for my situations rather than just being the typical “my way or the
highway” Femdom.
I had a family emergency come up. Instead of acting omnipotent and uncaring, you
offered understanding. I’ve never felt like a Domme actually has my best
interests in mind as much as I did this week.
I also completely missed having the time to dress for you. I would get home at
the end of every single long day this week and look in my closet and see all of
the things I should have been wearing. I would look in the mirror each day and
see the person I was forced to be instead of the person you want me to be and it
felt like a loss each day. I honestly can’t wait until tomorrow when I get to
finally snap that picture of myself wearing something femme for you.
In a way, I guess this “vacation” has been nice, but I miss being under your
thumb so much Ms Patty. Even though I’m still locked, the micro managing of how
I am dressed every minute of every day is something I miss.
I can’t wait to begin again tomorrow Ms Patty.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.
------
10-06-2019: This week featured another
phone session with you. As usual you give me almost exactly what I expect but
with a twist of your own. I know I’m being trained to be a good service
slave/sub, so I always expect to be trained along those lines, but this session
makes me wonder what else I’m being trained for.
Most of this session involved waiting at my attention position on my knees in my
full uniform for the day in silence. I got to listen to you write and work out a
message to someone. I was happy to spring into action the few times you did
allow me to move and complete a task before having to return to position.
Cleaning my toilet, my kitchen, and changing the sheets felt like rewards for my
perfect behavior. The twist came at the end.
I had mentioned after our last live session that you had piqued my interest when
you talked about inescapable bondage and breath play. This phone session, you
had me laying on my newly made bed with orders to stretch all my limbs out
before giving me orders that I was not allowed to move anything but my fingers
and toes. I’m not sure how long I was made to hold such an exposing position,
but I know you have a reason for everything.
It’s starting to get chilly. Luckily I’m a naturally cold person so most of my
wardrobe is winter friendly as I have quite a few blazers/suits that will
hopefully work for service this fall/winter. I am looking for my first femme
winter coat. This feels like a big decision for me since it’s the only coat I’ll
have as apposed to having a choice of outfits. So many cute coats, having to
choose just one is a brand new kind of torture.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------
09-29-2019: The first thing I would like
to do with this journal entry is to share with everybody exactly how much "super
kink"
goes into what was possibly my favorite session with you ever.
Zero
None
There was no extreme breath play, wax play, extreme bondage, or anything else
that one may see if they have truly looked at your site. I was told what to
wear, what time to report, and reported for service in the way I have been
taught. After that I got to sanitize your medical table and dust a good bit of
your play space. I was also permitted a half hour to kneel in front of you and
recite my prescribed mantra :My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and
pleasure".
There was no ruined orgasm or elaborate fantasy, just me serving you and it was
the best time I've ever had serving you Ms Patty. It was the most "subby" I've
ever felt in your presence despite the way more restrictive positions you've had
me in before. I'm not exactly sure why that happened, but it did and it has made
me crave that kind of service even more. The only thing I regret is not getting
a picture of me in my new uniform.
I've noticed a few new thoughts and physical things this week.
As far as physical, I am getting less erections overall. It's not just an "at
night" thing anymore. It has now just become in general. The entire time I was
with you, despite being dressed in a new uniform that I love, having to undress
in front of you, kneel at perfect attention, follow your every order, and dress
in front of you again, I didn't experience any kind of excitement. It truly felt
like it was just "a day at work" for a boss I adore. Since that day, I have
begun to crave the 6 hour dressing periods even more.
For the first few months, I actually looked forward to the days I didn't have to
dress. I was able to go out and do whatever I wanted, feeling like I fit in
public on those days so I might as well take advantage of them. I've noticed
lately that the days I have "off" I am actually wishing I would get a text from
you telling me that I would get some sort of reward for putting in "overtime"
that day. lol. I know that sounds ridiculous , but I love that moment when you
choose what outfit you want me in day after day. It makes me wish the real world
allowed me to look the way you want, as I truly feel most confident anymore when
dressed in an outfit of your choosing, chin up, and smiling.
I'm not entirely sure what to do about this desire, but I trust you are leading
me there.
Thank You Ms Patty
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-------
09-22-2019: As the weeks go by and you
continue to normalize my femme time, I really do notice how I no longer
fetishize it anymore. At your direction I’ve been spending at least 24 hours per
week if full femme attire. As you have mentioned, it’s now something that no
longer triggers any kind of sexual stimulation. I just put on the outfit you
order me to wear and hope it brings a smile to your face. My body no longer
expects any kind of release just for dressing.
This week was a menstruation week again. Of course the requirement to replace my
panty liner every single time I use the restroom is a pain and results in me
deciding to stay in rather than risk having to use a public restroom. I already
have to use the stall to pee while sitting down, I’m not sure how I’d react
should I be met with a stranger while having a panty liner wrapped in TP that
I’m throwing in the bin....so I stay in these weeks if I can.
I did kind of crave a real orgasm once this week when you gave me a compliment
about one of my outfits. That doesn’t happen often and the thought of me looking
cute enough to elicit a compliment felt good. I know I’m likely done orgasming
in any traditional way for....well...ever, but that compliment made me think
your training is paying off.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------
09-15-2019: This week I learned one of
your long term goals for me is to train me to get no erections at all. While it
didn’t surprise me to hear that, it has made me curious as to what my final role
is that you have planned for me.
On one hand, you hand given me a ruined orgasm so far both times I have been
given the opportunity to serve you in person, thus “resetting” the chastity
process, but on the other, you want me to learn to never become erect again. I
assume there is a reason for this as you have a reason for everything, but
almost every time I finally get to the point where I’m never getting hard, you
give be some sort of release.
The way you used me during our phone session this week was amazingly enjoyable.
Just getting to imagine being dressed and kneeling by your side, locked in a
collar and hood while waiting for orders to complete tasks that will make your
life a bit easier was a dream come true. When you old me to go clean my own
toilet while hooded I was actually hard in the cage the whole time.
At this point I am so far into looking femme with the hair you have arranged for
me over these last few months to the small tits I am starting to obviously
develop due to the bra I wear daily that I am wondering what you have planned
for me?
Will your training lead me into trying to be femme 24/7? Will it lead to a
service position with you? Will I ever get to experience a full orgasm ever
again?
I would think by this time I could predict your plan for me, but you always seem
to keep me guessing.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------
09-08-2019: My hair is now at a point
where I have two choices. 1) wear it down and look femme all the time 2) tie it
up and wear it under a hat.
You have now guided me to a point where even without femme clothing, I look
femme. The cut required to get the style at the salon this week has assured that
I am going to keeping looking like your girl from here on out.
I have also noticed that I have less and less choice in what outfits I get to
wear during my dressing periods. You are keeping things super professional and
not allowing me any kind of casual time. I’m in matching suits, blouses with
femme ties, and heels. I’m in things that represent you if I were to be seen in
public.
This kind of makes me proud....
Although I’m anxious about actually going through with such things, I know I
would be among the extremely privileged to actually get to serve you outside of
your dungeon. It makes me want to be the Donna to your Josh (West Wing joke), or
the Pam to your Jim (Office joke).
I’m incessantly fantasizing about appearing perfect, behaving perfect, and
impressing you as your perfect sissy assistant and wondering if this is the path
you had planned for me all along. Is this to be my position in the future? If I
were to ever be collared would this be my role? Should I consider never buying
“boy” clothing ever again?
These second 90 days are certainly already ramping up.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------
09-01-2019: I was happy to be back to a
“normal” week again where I wasn’t required to wear panty liners every waking
hour. That, combined with me now being readjusted to my device after my last
forced ruined orgasm has left me craving the femme feeling more than ever.
Every day that you tell me the exact outfit that you expect me to serve you in
the next day sends me right into subspace. I go right to my closet, pull out
your chosen outfit, and make sure it’s in presentable shape. Never in my life
have I felt more like “The Secretary” than those moments.
I also loved how you took control over my next femme purchase without being
demeaning. You found a nice way to say I wouldn’t look good to you in one outfit
and pointed me toward something you would want to see me in. I can’t wait to
wear these outfits for you in person. Maybe even to a munch or somewhere a
personal assistant would be socially acceptable?
This coming Wednesday I have another salon appointment to make my hair pretty
much permanently femme. It’s going to be styled so that I can appear as you
desire to everyone. I’ve seen this coming for awhile, but I’m a little nervous
about this final step. Any time I have it in anything but a pony tail it’s going
to look super femme. More and more while under your thumb I am starting to look
how you want me to look while making me feel good about it. It’s nerve wracking
and exciting at the same time!
This week also included 8 hours of hood and gag training. I have to say I have a
love/hate relationship with this. I know you love it, and I love when you get to
do things that make you happy...
It also sends me right into subspace....
It’s like getting drunk for me. I know that once I’m locked into that hood and
gag that it’s going to take time after you allow me to remove it to recover. I
get that “high” from being in it, but I know that comes with the hangover
“drop”. Sometimes when the digital lock beeps and allows me to take off the gag
and hood, I want to ask for another 4-6-8 hours. I want to spend the night
changed in a cage at your bedside. I want to be your slave.
My purpose if to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-------
08-25-2019: Yet another week of panty
liners. Once again the sensation of having to wear them in my panties the week
after you forced me to have a ruined orgasm resulted in a pretty torturous week,
I began to look forward to the second I could come home and change into pajamas.
I did notice you started being a little more micro managing of my dressing
periods. Not much choice is being given anymore on what I’m supposed to wear.
I’m being told what you want to see me in each day. I think I got one day last
week where I kind of had a choice....maybe that was my “casual Friday’?
Since I last was given the pleasure of being with you in person, I can think
only of the bit of eye candy that you took. Me....chained....kneeling before you
just hoping you will give me an order and/or play with me and/or cage me. I
don’t know when exactly you took that photo, but I was easily in a totally
trusting state where I would have submitted to any bondage for miles!
I have finally adapted again to the device since your forced ruined orgasm. The
dreams those nights before I wake up in pretty intense discomfort almost
reflected real life this time around. Our last meeting had you telling me
outright that I’m a girl and that I’m to be treated as such when representing
you. Pretty much every dream that woke me had me in some sort of “Mad Men” or
Skirt Suit type of outfit and bondage and working for you. Don’t get me wrong, I
like the dreams, but I’m glad they have stopped and I’m sleeping again! Lol.
I really can’t wait to see how things elevate going forward.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
--------
08-18-2019: First of all, thank you for
allowing me to extend my time under your thumb for another 90 days. I've now
become so used to your direction, I was actually beginning to fear not having
your direction on how to dress daily. Even though you did your best to try to
talk me out of it...lol.
The time I got to spend to spend with you in person was amazing this week. Every
single second I got to spend with you, from the moment I walked through the door
and stripped for you, to accepting your deliveries while dressed in your uniform
for me, to being shackled and used for your amusement left me knowing that i
absolutely am happiest when you are in charge of me. I almost wish the duties I
was allowed to perform for you were a full time position. I would gladly sign on
for 40 hours per week of serving you by kneeling at your feet, accepting your
deliveries, changing your cat litter etc. while being dressed how you like and
shackled. You make me feel, through my chastity and direction, like the true
femme that I am. This is the reason I look forward to these next 90 days....
You said this will intensify. I still am not sure what that means, but you
really haven't steered me wrong yet in feeling good about myself around you. I'm
already dressing for the equivalent of 1 full day per week, so I am a little
nervous about how you will advance my training so that maybe I can serve you in
public some day. After having experienced some true aftercare in our meeting
this week, I know you really do have my best interests in mind while still being
your amazing bossy self! I liked finding out that you understood my Catholic
School upbringing. I'm sure you now also understand just from that little tidbit
where quite a bit of my kink background was ingrained...lol. Now you truly know
where my need to be told how to dress comes from.
Since you allowed me a ruined orgasm, it of course has been two nights of
interrupted sleep. It's also resulted in me sleeping a little later each day as
well. I really can't wait for this period to pass again, especially with our
menstruation week coming up again. All of the stimulation around that area while
I'm very sensitive there is absolutely torturous.
(They need to invent an electronic shocker activated via cell phone) lol.
I truly can't wait for these next 90 days under your thumb. You have already
turned me into a full femme for 24 per week in just a short a short 3 months. I
can only imagine how much more I have in for me in these next 90 days. Hopefully
it results in me being qualified enough to truly be a servant to you in public.
Thank You Ms Patty
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
---------
08-11-2019: I'm coming to the end of yet
another 90 day period under your thumb and unlike previous times, as the end
comes near, I am not thinking about finally being able to pleasure myself,
unlock myself, or even achieve an orgasm. I have come to crave the interaction
with you and attention that comes with being fully femmed for 6-8 hours per day
and the varying pieces of bondage you require during those periods. While
certain parts of those periods to sometimes cause me to strain against my cage,
I am noticing that it is happening less and less often as my thoughts are less
sexual and focused more on looking perfect for photos so that I can maybe
provide you with lots of giggles due to my unquestioning obedience. I don't want
to be unlocked if it means the end of that as well.
I have been thinking a lot about getting to serve you for an extended period in
person. I know you are busy and having a slave for a day can sometimes seem more
like babysitting instead of actually having someone willing to try to make your
life easier, but I truly hope to one day get the chance to prove that I would be
more like the valued employee than the useless sub, even if my "job" is to kneel
perfectly still just to give you something fun to look at while you are working.
I especially have been thinking about being placed in the traveling shackles and
being the sub to have to answer the door for deliveries, guests, and anyone else
coming to your door that you are expecting (and maybe even someone you aren't!
LOL).
Every dressing period last week left me with a small case of "sub drop" last
week. Usually about hour 3 of being in the collar and hood I would feel myself
slip more and more into a meditative state that comes with sub space. My brain
begins to turn off and I begin to crave your direction. Thankfully this is
always when you become very interactive with me via text during those times,
even though I'm pretty sure you are also using that interaction to make me focus
on anything not involving orgasm. You begin telling me about protocols, duties,
and various forms of bondage that I would be in if I was actually in your
presence at that time. I almost only crave the type of release you gave me
during our one in-person hour. I wonder now if regular non-orgasm release is
partially responsible for wanting to feel more and more sissy.
The trip you had me go on to the salon this week helped too. They have started
using she/her pronouns there with me (not sure if that was your doing). I truly
am treated as a girl when I go there. Not only that, but being given an exact
uniform that I was required to wear there made it feel like I was being
personally supervised like an employee. I had to look perfectly on point in my
attire and there was someone there making sure I was dressed that way as well. I
felt so good when she told me that I pulled off that outfit that you picked for
me better than she could! You have made me look, and feel, so pretty so often Ms
Patty.
When this 90 days started, once my day was done and I changed for bed, I was
getting into T-shirts and flannel pajama pants. Now through no direction from
you, I've found myself wearing nightgowns and silk, lacy PJ sets. I want to feel
femme all the time. I fantasize about having an actual paying job that would
require me to wake 45 extra minutes early to shower, do my hair and nails, and
put on nice makeup (still working on this part in real life) and report to an
office for 8 hours. I feel more confident in those dress clothes. I feel more
powerful as well than when I'm in vanilla boy clothes like jeans and t-shirts.
As soon as I finish dressing for my 8 hour periods with you, while I feel a
little "trapped", I can help but check out how well put together I am in the
mirror. I will miss that feeling when unlocked. I think more than having an
orgasm, I want to keep feeling "trapped" and amazing at the same time.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with Obedience and Pleasure.
----------
08-04-2019: This week has been two
extremes. My weekly assignment was almost full immersion as your personal
assistant slave followed by a vacation week with my family who are about as
vanilla as you can get. A full 8 hours indulging as your personal plaything
followed by 5 days of no fetish anything.
It’s kind of left me uninspired to write a good journal entry as there has been
no real way to continue my training, but it has made me get into “can’t wait”
mode and return from my vacation tomorrow and continue my dressing routine for
you and continue with my training to be your living art. I’ve missed your
advanced direction this week. I’ve missed more than one or two texts per day
from you (or just not having cell service at all up in the mountains). I’ve had
just enough things on my body in bra, panties, and chastity to remind me who
owns me, but I miss the femme clothing that let me show you outwardly just how
much I will obey you just to make you feel good.
I look forward to getting back in my routine
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-----------
07-28-2019: I’ve noticed this last week
that I’ve started giving more thought to what will make you happy. I never used
to ask you what outfits you wanted to see me in each of the days you require me
to dress for a full 6 hours, but now it almost feels like a reflex. Each time
when I am reporting for sissy duty, I just feel so proud when wearing and
looking exactly how you would like.. I almost feel like those three hours I
could maybe walk around the neighborhood because of how it pleases you, but then
I look around and think maybe your neighborhood might be better.
The next three hours is different of course. Once the collar goes on, and the
gag goes in, or the hood goes on as you introduced this week, I start to feel
like a completely different person. My mind goes numb I feel pliable. Thanks to
our phone session I now just think of what you would have me doing on a “normal”
day and I want to to say “yes please!!” . The thought of wearing the outfit you
like, kneeling next to you, in a posture collar with the hood and gag just to
make you happy is almost my life goal! Lol.
I’ve also begun thinking a little bit about the next time you’ve told me I’ll be
reporting for “living art” duty. This is once again where my anxiety kicks in.
The last time you forced a fluid release with no orgasm that resulted in the
chastity “resetting” while at the same time causing me to want to be with you in
person even more as your secretary. It’s almost like, thanks to that experience
of release with no orgasm, that I am craving all of the things that led up to
that.
The dressing, the inspection by you of all parts of of my body once you’ve had
me undress, the way you manipulate every part of me with no ease whatsoever.
While I hated the side effects of that release, I’m so glad it’s resulted in
something where I’m anticipating the next level.
One day, I hope to be impressive enough to be in one of your videos for
something. That is my new goal.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-------------
07-21-2019: Adding the 4th 6 hour period
this week has now pretty much turned dressing into a part time job.
Now that I’ve readjusted to the chastity device and am sleeping through the
night. This has become like a job where I absolutely adore my boss. I get to be
told exactly how to please her and am permitted to always be pleasing to her. I
know that every second I am dressed, collared, gagged, or all three at once that
I am doing exactly what you have told me to make you happy.
Having experienced a chastity “release”, I still have mixed feelings. I’ve never
had my hips involuntarily gyrate like that before. That was a beautiful feeling.
I’m not sure it’s worth the week of not sleeping through the night due to the
“reset” of my body though. The fact that this is yet another thing that you
control of course has that little “hug” happening thanks to being locked, but I
almost wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
---------------
07-14-2019: I think my body has finally
“re-set”. Since our in person meeting where you actually forced me to release
even though I’m locked in this device, I had trouble sleeping through the night.
I finally had a few nights in a row of uninterrupted sleep and it’s kind of made
me start craving femme again.
While I was readjusting, those 6 hour periods where the collar and gag were also
required truly seemed like a punishment. I was always so exhausted after each
period between the sleep deprivation and busy work schedule, but being a little
more well rested has me thinking about looking like a proper girl for you more
and more. I’ve once again started thinking about hair and makeup and making
myself look perfect for you.
The time in panty liners this week wasn’t as bad as the first time. I think
either I have experience with it now, or may balls weren’t as sensitive due to
my recent release this time. It was really just an inconvenience than any kind
of stimulus or torture. I am getting pretty good at changing them though.
I like that you are starting to actually direct when I am to wear each 6 hour
period. I feel extra submissive and kind of cute when putting on each item as
directed. When I snapped the photo for the “Dana Scully” outfit that you
specifically asked for, I almost fell totally into subspace. I knew that picture
was going to make you giggle.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
------------------
07-07-2019: I got my chance to serve you
in person this week and it forced me to exchange 20 minutes of extreme pleasure
for another 45 days of torture. I had no idea that when I arrived that you would
find a way to hit the “reset” button on my chastity training without me actually
having an orgasm, but you did, and I am now, essentially, starting over again.
The last few nights have resulted in waking up every 4-5 hours in extreme
discomfort. This time the dreams all revolve around just entering your space in
your uniform of choice and immediately undressing. Each time I try to do it more
impressively so as to maybe gain a reward as your voluntary living art,
This week I’m back on my period, so of course I’ll be changing my liners
regularly. I learned last time that eating a little healthier resulted in having
to change pads less often since my requirement was to change with every bathroom
use. I’ve pre-adjusted my diet this time around. I know I can’t avoid this, but
with proper planning, I can control it!
If given the choice in the future, it might be 50-50 if I would want to
experience the ruined orgasm/release again knowing what the after effects were
going to be. I want another as we speak, but the point I was at where I was once
again willing to just scrub a toilet and go home while being eye candy was also
amazing.
This is the main reason I enjoy your training. You could take advantage of
that...
Instead, you take WAY more advantage of that. You provide just enough pleasure
to make me want to take so much more pain.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.
-----------------
06-30-2019: I have to be honest, I’m
almost craving my “danielle time” even though it pretty much means I can’t leave
the house. It’s become, hours-wise, pretty much a part time job training to get
the privilege of serving you in person. From the second you approve my outfit to
the time you tell me I am dismissed I honestly feel happy that you find pleasure
in my obedience.
This week I went to my second salon appointment where I was required to dress.
There was a woman and a small 3-4 year old there waiting as she was finishing
up. They both smiled strangely as they saw me and left. Things like this remind
me why I have to be careful about where I go in public. The reaction to dressing
this way while not being obviously female is just so random. I wish I was more
confident that I “passed”, but I know I still have a few “tells”.
I still haven’t had and nocturnal release, and I’ve honestly not craved an
orgasm the last week or so. Most of my fetish fantasies revolve around
predicament bondage in service to you. Being your footrest while answering
e-mails, holding your drink while you take a phone session, being your living
doll in the corner while you watch a TV show and relax.
I’ve also almost taken to the collar. I’ve come to crave the feeling of it
around my neck. The countdown of the digital lock are the best 15 seconds of my
week for the 3 times I’m trained in it per week. Those 5 second periods before
the lock closes for 3 hours are almost like a drug. The three hours after are
torture, but those 5 seconds make it entirely worth it. I almost can’t wait to
use it with the gag.
I look forward more than ever to my first chance to serve in person and
hopefully be perfect.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.
----------------
06-23-2019: I’m amazed at how much time I
am spending as my femme self now thanks to your training. When I add up the
hours it’s almost like sissy danielle now has a part time position as your
personal plaything. It’s not just the dressing, but this week’s requirement to
have my nails painted has added extra time to each day that I must prepare
myself to please and obey you. You give me more attention as danielle as well,
so I find myself craving the femme attire, the fake breasts, the heels, the
tights...all of it.
We started incorporating other things into my training this week. The time spent
in the collar with each femme outfit forces me to look at myself in mirrors to
make sure my outfit is perfect. The time spent in the gag had made me plan my
meals and intake as I become nothing more than a living doll for the hours you
require me to train. I imagine myself, pristinely dressed, kneeling at your side
in my collar and gag, maybe attached to your leash and being your perfect sissy
assistant.
I am sleeping through the night now. Obviously I’m now adjusted to the device.
In the past this was about the point where I would make a mess in my sleep, so I
am mentally preparing myself for that. I find any release to be kind of
humiliating, so I am pleased any morning I wake up dry.
After one more week I will be halfway through this training period. I am already
contemplating pushing myself and trying for 6 months under your thumb. I like
what I am becoming.
My purpose is to provide my Mistress with obedience and pleasure.
--------------------
06-16-2019: It now been 31 days. One full
month under your thumb and I can tell there is a noticeable difference between
now and who I was just one month ago. Before this training period had begun, I
had reverted back to being just a fetishist. I would dress in femme clothes,
maybe 5 minutes later I would masturbate and then lose all desire to remain
dressed.
My how things have changed. Not only do you have me dressing and remaining as my
femme alter ego for 6 hours a day, 3 times a week, but at the end of those
periods I find myself not wanting to change. I want to remain as the Superman to
my “normal” Clark Kent. Being danielle gives me power that I like....even though
most places wouldn’t accept her as “normal”.
You also introduced the posture collar for a few hours each session. Not being
able to look down at myself to admire my outfit leaves me with 2 options. I can
either try to ignore how I am dressed or I can go look in a mirror. When I would
choose the mirror what I saw was different than when I just simply looked down.
I saw my head and face attached to the outfit and femme form. I saw what was
becoming the “new me”. At one point on a day when I was in femme attire I don’t
normally wear I saw myself in the mirror, wearing the collar, and realized yet
again just how much control you have over me with just a simple chastity device.
Just two weeks ago I was changing for bed into sweat pants. Now I find myself
sleeping in silk panty/camisole sets.
I think part of it is that this time I have had more phone/text contact with you
that has allowed you to micromanage me a bit more. Instead of just a line or two
per day in an e-mail between these weekly journal entries, the almost daily
chats have allowed me to seek out way to provide you with pleasure and giggles
at my expense. It’s allowed for the posture collar training that I’m now also
receiving.
My dreams that now only sporadically wake me up still are centered around me in
an office setting serving as your executive assistant. You always have the most
serious power suit on and I’m always in a frilly blouse and skirt suit with some
sort of predicament bondage. I’m always being put into high protocol poses and
positions or being locked/bound into certain positions. You are always constant
adjusting my clothes, fixing a tie, or just fussing with me as if I’m a living
doll, there to be nothing by a visual stimulant.
I’ll usually wake up in severe discomfort while I try to find something
non-sensual/kink related to make it so I can go back to sleep. I know it can’t
be long until I wake up to a wet spot in my femme pajama shorts.
This week you also had me experience menstruation by making me wear panty
liners. Those things not only rubbed my super sensitive bits in a less than
sensual way, but having to change them every time I used the bathroom was a
pain. By day 2 I was watching my liquid intake so I could maybe cut down on my
bathroom usage just so I wouldn’t have to change pads. I stopped drinking coffee
on day 2 for that reason as well. I’m still adjusting to that change in my diet.
I was more than happy to see that assignment end on Friday. The feeling of being
back in just panties yesterday was amazing. I’m not looking forward to doing
this again next month.
Thank You for another week of your training Ms Patty
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-------------------
06-09-2019: Looking back just three
weeks, I’m astounded at how quickly things have proceeded this time. I thought
that after such a lay-off from my last training period, that it would take
longer for me to be thinking constant femme thoughts, but all of these triggers
you have exposed me to now have me thinking femme 90% of my week.
The device itself almost seems secondary anymore. I sporadically crave an
orgasm, but most of the time I barely notice I’m caged while awake. I feel the
panties against the area that you now have me shave and I consistently notice
the bra strapped to my chest during the day. The 3 six hour periods that I’m
required to fully dress in a business professional outfit more than reinforces
that I’m happily becoming your living doll.
I’ve been thinking about that stress position you had me stand in and being
bound into that position, pretty much giving you free access to my entire
body....being totally open to any humiliation you choose so that I can provide
you a chance to laugh. Hearing you laugh at me over the phone this week was
absolute music to my ears and I really do want to hear that sound some more
while hopefully being visually stimulating to you as well. I felt the soreness
in my shoulders the entire next day and it was better than any bruise or mark
I’ve gotten from corporal punishment. Every time I picked up something as light
as a can of Coke I thought of you.
I did appreciate that you gave me a break on 1 of my 6 hour groundings this
week. It was a whirlwind of feelings going to the salon and having highlights
put in my hair while dressed. The stylist made me feel comfortable and actually
referred to me as “she” at one point. The school uniform you had me wear was
nerve racking from the parking lot to the door and back, but inside they saw it
as “normal”. It was nice to find a “safe space” to do that sort of thing. You
have more of them in Columbus than we do down here I expect lol.
That is pretty much the highlights of this week. Since I now have a shopping
assignment I will be going out to get my panty liners with wings.
Thank You Ms Party
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
---------------------
06-02-2019: I can’t believe how quickly
this time is going already. It’s already day 17 and I’ve made it through the
initial “needy” period thanks to your guidance. Last time I didn’t get to call
or text you as much, I think that has helped the most with getting through that
first stage.
I’m really beginning to adapt to what I now call my “chastity uniform” of
wearing a bra and panties every single day with no breaks. The sensation that
used to arouse me and make me want to give myself an orgasm hardly exists
anymore. It just feels “normal” as if I’m supposed to be wearing these things. I
almost feel weird at the end of a day when I change for bed and the uniform
comes off. Not having that feeling of security strapped to my chest is the most
noticeable.
This last week as my assignment you had me dress fully and ordered me to stay
that way for 6 hours on three separate days. I haven’t been “grounded” in over
25 years, but that is essentially what that was. I loved the feeling of being in
a full outfit, especially when you would style it for me through pictures. Just
knowing that what I was wearing on the outside was being done for you kind of
brought on an inner calm. I spent those hours being pretty productive
domestically. I got more housework done in those 18 hours in panty hoes, heels,
and skirt suits than I normally get done. Not being able to leave the house has
its positives I guess.
This upcoming week I’m having my hair femmed for you. I’m a little nervous about
taking on such an overt, unchangeable femme trait. It’s the first semi-permanent
femme thing I’ve ever done I think. I wish you could go with me to give me a
push should I get too anxious. I’m wondering how much strangers or even friends
will even notice, but it’s still nerve wracking.
Sleeping through the night is happening sporadically. I have started to really
crave an orgasm. Being surrounded by all this femininity does still have that
effect on my sissy clit, especially when window shopping for outfits that I
think you would like seeing me in. Even more so when I see locking clothing that
you could use for humiliation purposes should I need such a thing.
A part of me is hoping an in person meeting will include an unlocking, but I
also know I wouldn’t last more than a few seconds before spilling a mess and I
don’t want to have to clean up such a thing, so I also dread not being able to
control my little clit should the device come off. We both know you probably
wouldn’t even have to touch it. Just having it removed by someone else would be
erotic enough to make me spill. I’ve done 90 days with no breaks before. I
almost wonder if a break would make the chastity period worse. Would I have to
adjust to sleeping through the night all over again just for one ruined orgasm?
Would the feeling of all things femme start turning me on again? Would all of
these things that are starting to become “normal” turn strange again? So many
questions surrounding that amazing warm feeling that comes with a full orgasm.
I’m almost not sure I’d make that trade already....almost.
I look forward to yet another week under your thumb Ms Patty.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
-----------------
05-26-2019: First my report of my
physical well being:
I’m still not sleeping all the way through the night. I am making it about 5
hours before some sort of erotic dream wakes me up thanks to the device. I
usually just read some sort of news for about a half hour before resuming my
sleep. I’m actually kind of energized in the morning though. I wake up ready to
go after that 2nd stint.
As far as mentally, I’m already feeling more femme. Having read back through my
previous times in chastity to you, I’m feeling much less like a slut anymore. In
the past at this point I read the things I was willing to do for an orgasm and I
am no where close to that this time. I’ve found my focus has shifted to making
sure my hair is well brushed and styled, that I smell as femme as possible, and
that I always look super presentable while also being eye candy to You.
The most torturous thing thus far has been the bra training. In past sissy
training periods for me you had always given me a day off here and there from
wearing panties and a bra.
Not this time.
Now going on over a week of being in a bra all day, every day, for 14+ hours has
been hell/heaven on earth. Since you told me why you are having me do this, I
have found a way to find pleasure in this process, but the act of actually being
forced into a bra every single day with no break may be worse than any spanking
or time in nipple clamps. I would actually choose a day without having to wear a
bra over being unlocked at this point. It wouldn’t even be a hard choice if it
was presented to me.
I have, of course, been window shopping for things to wear for when I get to see
you in person. Now I kind of know how a girl really feels about a possible
awesome date! Will we go to the mall? Lunch? Nowhere while you put me in bondage
and inspect your toy? I have like 9 different outfits that are in the running
right now...lol.
This last week my favorite two moments were when you ordered me to my knees over
the phone with one arm behind my back. I love the “tower” position :). The
second was when I shared a few of my subspace triggers with you. Being in that
space can leave someone like myself open to be easily abused. You are someone
that can be trusted with the information that turns me from Bruce Banner to the
Incredible (sissy) Hulk and back again. Knowing that makes being under your
thumb feel like being in a warm blanket.
My purpose is to give my Mistress obedience and pleasure.
Thank You, MsPatty!
----------------
05-19-2019: I looked back over my last three month term and it all came flooding back what I’m in for. Let me just say the anxiety that I’ve felt along with the initial adjustment period of being locked in a chastity device have made for some rough nights of sleep. Last night was a little better. I’m not sure if that was due to now having to wear panties and a bra all day and the absolute feeling of relief when allowed to remove them or if I’m just adjusting quicker than I did last time.
I’ve bought a few more clothes for my femme personality since last time, but I don’t dress as much. I think that is one of the main reasons I inquired about being under your thumb once again. I desire to live in those clothes. I desire to serve you as that person. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see something that you have created out of me.
I know I need guidance and direct supervision for this though, otherwise I would probably have been able to jump off this cliff on my own. Thus I thank you now for what I’m about to become over these next 90 days. I trust you will do what is best for me. I especially can’t wait to amuse you in person.
Thank You, MsPatty!
©2004-2022 LeatherRealm
All Rights Reserved